The Emmett Cullen Memoirs
by TheWitchTwins
Summary: a series of one shots of Emmett and your other favorite characters. gotta love them!


Alright, don't hate me if this sucks. . . .cause it probably will. This is just a series of one shots, all about every ones favorite teddy bear, Emmett. Enjoy. His story is in bold because I feel like that's how he is. Bold and loud. I'm pretty sure it will all be in Emmett's P.O.V. But I change my mind a lot. I may have a few little bitty things in other points, but still. This chapter will be set _long _after Breaking Dawn, so far ahead, to where the Cullens have moved back to Forks, Washington. Now, to make the story a little more interesting, we are going to say Rosalie and Emmett have powers. Rosalie, can make anybody do anything she wants them to because of her beauty. And Emmett can sense what other people want.

Disclaimer: I'm stupid! I, like the idiot I am, had trusted Emmett with my prepared Disclaimer. Emmett lost it, of course. It was full of witty banter, so your going to have to be stuck with this one. I don't own twilight or Emmett.

_The Emmett Cullen Memoirs._

_.Chapter 1._

_.Emmett and the Food Fight._

**I was walking down the all too familiar hallway of – the favorite of all our past homes, for many reasons – Forks High school. My 'Girlfriend' on my arm, on my way to see my family at lunch.**

**Walking into the cafeteria for the first time in. . . .many many years, I remembered so many great moments from these days. Snowball fights. Edward and Bella sitting together. Oh, and when Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton started that food fight on the final day of school sophomore year. Good times. **

**So now, everybody was in the same grade, including little Nessie. Who was not so little anymore. She was so beautiful, almost as beautiful as my Rose now. You should see Edward, Jasper and I go after the mutt left and right. Nessie's body has curves, and her face has lost almost all the roundness, so much like Rose in her heightened beauty, so much like Alice, graceful and probably the only ADHD vampire child in the world, really, she has a bit of all of us in her. Very competitive. That's me. The story to the humans is that Ness is our adoptive sibling, Edwards cousin or something. Too much resemblance to not be related.**

"**Hey guys." I pulled two chairs back from the table for Rosalie and I. I sat next to Alice and, as usual, Rose sat next to Renesmee. "Squirt." I nodded to Ness. She hated it when I called her that.**

**She let out a low growl. "Don't call me that."**

"**Squirt."**

"**Emmett."**

"**Squirt"**

"**Idiot."**

"**Squirt"**

"**Window licker."**

"**Squirt"**

**Nessie picked up a fork and threw it at my head which I would have ducked so it could hit the snotty little skank – from math class – behind me, Maci, in the face, but then Edward and Bells would get mad at her. . . .then me.**

"**Renesmee" Her parents hissed in unison. She looked away innocently. **

"**this is boring!" I shouted to our table, a few people around us stared. Then I went back to a normal voice for just the Cullen table. "who says we start a food fight on our first day? Clean up would be totally worth it."**

"**I!" Nessie said quickly.**

"**I!" from and Edward and a "I!" from Jasper. **

"**I!" Bella grinned. "I had always wanted to scream 'food fight' like on TV. Can I do it?" **

**the only ones against the food fight was Rose and Alice.**

"**Rosie Poesy . . . Dark Tinker Bell?" I asked using my special pleading nicknames for Rose and Alice. "what do you think? We promise we wont get it on you two. . . . .please?" soon everybody around the table was asking them, it sounded weird. **

"**Fine!" Alice gave in, quickly fallowed by Rose. **

"**Bella, Love, you cant announce the food fight, then the principle will blame us for starting it." Edward reasoned.**

"**True. . . Rosie Poesy" I started again. "will you go tell an idiot guy to start a food fight?"**

"**oh! This ought to be fun!" Rosalie stood and strutted over to a very stupid looking jock. She shoved his tray out of the way and hopped on the table, twirling her hair. After a minute the boy nodded and she came back. "hmm, that _was_ quite fun."**

**the boy, it was Daniel Russo from science, stood on his chair. **

"**sorry Bella." jasper muttered.**

"**FOOD FIGHT!" Dan screamed, throwing a handful of pasta at a girl two tables away. His friends joined in, hitting each other with garlic bread. Alice, Ness and Rose held their trays as shields and ducked down under the table. I loosened the cap on my unopened soda and shook it violently and sent it flying across the room.**

**Mr. Trevino, the new principle, stepped into the middle of the airborne meatballs, using the quarterback as a shield. "Mr. Russo."**

**everyone stopped. Oh snap. **

**I have sauce in my hair. Ha. Its a good thing Alice, Jazz, Rose and I had free period next. **

"**Would you, like to explain _why_ you did this?" he asked looking around at the pudding on the windows. Edward snickered. **

**I felt what Dan wanted, and he wanted to rat Rose out. I saw jasper looking at him intently. Woo hoo! Go ninja powers.**

"**Uh. . .I was bored. And I wasn't hungry. And. . ." he looked at the mess he caused. **

"**Detention! One month. You and your flunkeys clean this all up!" he stormed out. A noodle flew across the room and smacked him in the back of his bald head. I did the best possible to not laugh. And failed. My laughter boomed through the entire cafeteria. **

**Mr. Trevino tuned on his heel and looked directly at me. "Mr. Cullen!" shit. "you help! One week detention!" and he stormed away.**

**Three human heartbeats later everyone laughed. Damn it!**

"**Who the hell _really _threw that?" I asked.**

**Renesmee stood from under the table, and shyly raised her hand. **

"**Nessie?" Rosalie gasped.**

"**very cool Squirt!" I picked her up and spun her around while she hid her face in my shoulder. "but that's not cool I got blamed!"**

**Edward laughed. Bella was not so amused.**

"**Renesmee Carlie," Nessie winced at her full name. "You are grounded as long as Emmett has in detention and you will help him and Dan and the other idiots clean the cafeteria."**

"**Mo – Bella!" she quickly corrected in case a human heard. She was our sister, not niece/daughter. **

"**Yeah, bells. That isn't necessary. I don't care." I shoved her shoulder.**

"**see M – Bella" Nessie hugged me. **

"**No Emmett. Renesmee needs to take responsibility for her actions too." Bella lectured before Edward told her to 'shut it' in his nice, lovey, gross, voice thing.**

**Alice went to sit down in her chair and quickly stopped before she completely sat. "Ah, okay I'm standing." turns out, there was food in her chair. **

**Rosalie however plopped down without looking first though, and sat in a pool of lemonade. "Arg! Damn it!" **

"**Rose, its alright. We have free period. Lets go change and clean up." I rubbed her shoulder as the bell rang.**

"**fine." she growled and I dragged her out the door. I had some towels in the jeep and I laid a few out for us all to sit on, while we drove home.**

**Ali and Jazz hopped out to change and do something, god knows. What with that silly pixie and paranoid soldier. Oh yes, they are the _perfect _couple. Ideal.**

**I jogged up the stairs, taking them four at a time and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower.**

"**I cant believe I let you and your idiotic siblings talk me into having Dan start a food fight when I just ended up sitting in disgusting human . . . lemonade. Gah." I heard Rosalie call to me from our room.**

"**Calm down Rosie Posy. All you have to do is change. I have tomato sauce in my hair and you don't hear me complaining." I yelled back from inside the shower.**

**She stepped in the room and into the shower with me, taking my face in her hands and effectively ending that conversation.**

**The End.**

Okay, I know this one kinda sucked. I promise the next chapter will be better. Promise. Promise. Promise. Okay. . . . yeah.


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